Wednesday, 15 June 2011

A New Beggining

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As Im driving away , tears roll down my face, I start thinking of all the friends and family Im leaving. I start getting this emptiness feeling inside but at the same time a little voice that tells me its going to be okay. My brother is the little voice that I hear. He sees me crying and leans over to hug me , he tells me how sad he also feels but that he knows everything is going to be okay. We have a long way to drive so I get his pillows situated so he can take a nap. Its been a long day , we have been up since about 80 a.m packing and getting everything in boxes , running last minute errands, expressing all of my good-byes. I start thinking about my daily activities that day and the emptiness comes back. I have been living in Miami with my aunt, uncle, brother and cousins. Both me and my brother grew very attached to them. But now my dad has come back from his trip in Saudi Arabia and he is taking us back to San Antonio with him. Going back to San Antonio, are youll excited.? My dad breaks the silence. Both me and my brother just nod our head yes , but we know it wasn’t too convincing so my brother replies, I cant wait to see my cousins. assuring my dad we will get over our sadness. I admire my brother he is only 1 and already knows when to say things. My dad waits for something to come out of my mouth but nothing comes out. I mean what can I say excited? no Im not really excited about going back Im actually scared if you want to know the truth. Scared of memories and flashbacks coming back from before when we were living in San Antonio when my mom was around , when my life was complete, when I couldn’t ask for anything more, when I had everything! My mom passed away about 4 years ago and to tell you the truth Im not over it yet, I mean any little place or thing that reminds me of her I feel this feeling of sadness and this confusion why me? why my mom? That’s the main reason Im not looking forward on going back to San Antonio. Look dad there is boomers.!!! my brother points out the window. oh well that looks fun, my dad replies. Its like an amusement park which is open 4 hours a day , I remember the last time I was there with my friends . We had a blast we spent the whole night riding rides and playing arcade games , we even golfed that night. We start passing all theses places and memories just keep coming. That’s were I worked at I point at the Supercuts off of the highway. Oh well it was nice and close to the house. my dad assures himself. yea I replied thinking of all the times I was late , thinking how a minute early that I left the house determined if I was on time or not. I remember I owed them a phone call before I left but with all the activities happening the last couple of days it sort of just slipped by. I start missing my cell phone , its Friday night so I know there would have been plenty to do. I remember my friend telling me they were going to ride out to South Beach and how it wasn’t going to be the same without me. Yea she always finds a way to boost my confident even higher as if I had a low one. I start looking for my address book remembering that I had quite a few numbers that I had added to it , since I transferred all my cell phone numbers to my address book. (well the important ones at least .) I start flipping thru it making sure I didn’t have anything else that I had to do , I would always write reminders to myself in this little book. Nope everything was pretty much under control. As my dad pulls up to a gas station to fill up I see a group of kids also pumping gas. More memories head into my head. I havent even left and Im already missing it. Its now already 1100 p.m so the nightlife is just beginning in Miami. Too bad Im stuck in this road trip. We pick up some snacks and head back to the car , you feel like driving ? my dad asks. Well no of course not I tell myself I mean do I ever feel like driving. But of course I reply yea sure. Knowing that my dad has also had a long day. I figure Ill start driving now because the later it gets the more tired Ill be. My dad likes driving at night , the way we have planned we should be arriving at San Antonio about 00 , 1000 p.m the next night. It takes about 4 hours to get from Miami to San Antonio. We figure we will take a rest at a rest area around , 4 a.m then we will continue to drive at around 6 , 700 a.m. Well those are the plans we will see how they go. I put my favorite radio station on now that we have signal , then Ill be stuck with the C.Ds. I play it nice and soft now that I see my dad getting all comfortable in his seat. Are you going to be okay ? your not tired or anything .? he asks. Well of course Im tired but I mean aren’t we all. No Ill be fine. I tell him. okay if you get to tired just pull over. I nod my head yes, and just start singing away with the radio. Im always singing to the radio , it’s a way of keeping myself entertained. I make a right onto the Florida turnipike. It’s a highway with less traffic the only thing you have to pay every so and so miles. I had a friend who would live some what far and every time we would go pick him up we would just jump on the turnpike of course this meant everyone digging in their pockets for extra loose change. I recall a time when I was driving home and I had not even a dollar to my name, I pulled up to the guy and he said One dollar please. I started looking for extra change in the car, put sure enough you could tell my cousin had already roomed inside and took the change that was usually left in the ash tray. He looked at me and then glanced at the line that had started to accumulate behind me. He wrote a piece of paper and then handed it to me and said Thank You. the gate lifted. I opened the paper it said You Owe Me One Dollar. I smiled and told him Id be back during the week to pay him back. We both sort of just laughed. Id always pass by but he was never there , I still have the note as a matter of fact. Well as I came back to my reality I noticed it would be a long drive now that time was going by so slow. Both my brother and dad were already dozed off in their dreams , they looked so peaceful. All of the sudden I got this good feeling it wasn’t a sad feeling anymore or and emptiness inside of me it was more of a everything is going to be okay feeling. I mean we were all finally together, my brother, my dad and me. We hadn’t been together for about a year. This brought happiness to me to know that no matter what I had to face , I was going to have my dad and brother by my side. I started seeing all the positive sides , I mean yea I had to go searching for a new job and find a way to finish school. But of course it also meant new friends, new places to hang out, different scenery etc…… etc….. yea I thought to myself its going to work out. I will over come whatever challenges are placed on my path. I repeated this to myself in tell it finally suck in. My brother opened his eyes and leaned over to see if I was okay. I just smiled and told him that everything was going to be okay. He told me I know, I know because I see how happy daddy is with us Then he

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