Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Seven Steps Conversations

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Seven Step Conversations

A Conversation is having some depth, breadth and communicates skill. The conversation, which I listening is between a couples. It’s an interesting conversation between my brother Huy and his friend Dung. I enjoy hearing their conversation and choose them to be as a dyad.

The chances to observe the dyad approachability cues in this conversation are not much even though they often started the conversation by calling one other’s name and talking very fast to keep the partner’s concentration on the topic. The contact is primarily used her to maintain the conversation.

Small talk is not used in the dyad’s conversation. All the beginning of the conversation they talked directly into the main ideas concerned I noticed that the conversation shift smoothly from a topic to another topic.

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Free information was given to keep on the conversation during meeting of the characters. Free information seems a common ground to attract the partner to participate the mentioned matter. Open-ended questions are important parts after given free information that required the partner to talk. And the more information one of the dyad gives, the more he (or she) information he wants to talk.

Whenever one the two of them want to leave, he often stop talking for seconds let his partner think that he wants to stop the conversation. Their conversations are about their jobs, politic, sport, business, the advantages and disadvantages of America culture. They never talk about their family or something else except their relationship is depth both character comfortably talked about what they feel about the partner’s feeling. The metacommunication was used during their conversation much time. And it’s can be considered as a level two of John Powell’s hierarchy of depth.


To perceive the partner more accurately, each character paid attention and kept in mind the behavior and the acts of the partner. Doing so each of the dyad would have his owned observation to compare in contrast if his partner would have done something unusual.

After observing the partner have done, the observer would tell the partner what the observer has seen in order to question the partner and avoid the confusion because the unusual acting of the partner.

One thing is very interesting to me is that two of them just paid attention the narrow area of their breath of the limit number of topics that the dyad after talk to each other. Telling the partner what the other has seen, the observer also gave out two or more possible interpretation of the behavior to provide a better way to share his inferences of the partner behavior. The third part of perception checking is open-ended question was never missing. The open-ended question is as an obvious part to request for a clarification about how to interpret the behavior. This behavior is similar to the perception checking mentioned in the textbook. Perception checking helps them understand each other accurately instead of assuming the first interpretation is correct. Even the observer provides wrong inferences of partner behavior, and made in accurate assumptions, but the observer is showing his concern for his partner. Therefore, providing wrong inferences do not hurt the partner. On the other hand the partner would willingly explain why he was doing so.


By observing the two characters while they were talking to each other, I see that listening is a complex process. The listener has to exert a lot of energy in order to understand, show respect, respond sufficiently to the speaker for additional information, and make the speaker feel interested when he talks. And also the listener’s movement such as nodding the head, eye contact, attentive facial expression and open posture is maintained throughout the conversation to give supportive feedback. Beside this nonverbal behavior, the verbal messages of the two characters contribute to show their interest and concern to each other.

In this conversation, two of them used paraphrase to make sure that they did not misunderstand to each other. For instance, sometimes one of the dyad had listened carefully to his partner about on important statement, he spontaneously repeated what he had heard but he was using other words that heave the same meaning. He also provided his feeling or his opinion in order to get more information about his partner. In other words he use his owned recreation of the partner disclosure in synonym and his owed inferences about what the partner is feeling even if his partner do not say. Finally, regarding to his understanding about the partner, he ask the partner to assure that he get it right. It is an open-ended question that is mentioned in the textbook about whether or not he got a paraphrase right.

Purring their conversation, I notice that the two characters expressed their interest while listening to each other by providing supportive responses. At time, one of the dyad want to hear more than a reflection of how he feel that he want to know how his partner feel about him as well to reveal his solidarity with the speaker’s situation.

Climate Supportive

As soon as two characters in this conversation start to communicate, a climate begins to develop. Verbal messages certainty contributes to the tone of their relationship. The two characters belong to supportive group, which include descriptiveness, problem orientation, spontaneity, empathy being, equality and provisionalism

Descriptive behavior is moderately used by the two characters. They often use the first pr0noun to explain why he (or she_ judge his partner’s so. Those means he observe and considered his partner carefully and then offer his thoughts, feelings, and wants without judging his partner.

Problem orientative behavior conveys throughout their conversation. They focus on finding a solution that satisfied both of their own needs. There goal is not to win but to work out some arrangement in which both of them feel satisfied.

Each character has his owned goal, and in order to achieve a best result, beside needing help from his partner, he also motivate his partner to survey the partner’s behavior before approach to what the speaker want. This behavior is spontaneity, which simply means being honest with others rather than manipulating them.

Focusing on the partner saying sand acting, the other show that he care and accept for the feelings of another; however he, sometimes, does not agree with his partner, but he let his partner know about his care and respect that he would be acting in the supportive way which is empathic behavior.

The two main characters in this conversation have the same status, and they share equally values. Each character does not want to be superiority. Moreover, it is not necessary to convey an attitude of superiority even in which situation one may have greater talent than other. This behavior is equality.

Observing their behavior, I have seen that the dyad’s behavior is flexible and open. They might have strong opinions but are willing to acknowledge that they do not know the answers for every question. Therefore, the dyad asks many open-ended questions to get more information from the partner.

Language Skill

Being clear is a primarily part of using language skill. The dyad, which I observed is skillful in using approximate word to narrow down a specific message. Being specific, the dyad has to think carefully before providing their opinion.

Immediate is a difficult part of using language skill. I have rarely seen the dyad’s behavior in such a way of being here now. I have often seen that they argue and point out mistake of each other which happened different time.

In the dyad’s conversation, I can recognize that they do not claim their fault to each other. In fact to avoid the fault might happened again, one ask the partner for careful in doing thing which might cause problems to other. Sometimes, I did not understand clearly what two characters were talking about. Because there are times they use their language, which is not in any dictionary. Perhaps they are close-friend; they can understand each other by using restricted code meaning to them but not for others; and as Bernstein mentioned in his study that this kind of conversation is high context.

The words the character used and the way he pronounce them have a powerful influence on whether the partner accept or reject his ideas. Therefore, the listener not only examine the speaker used words but his tone and nonverbal as well.

Observing two character in that conversation, I realize that language provide a way to make the content of a message clear; it also reflects the speaker’s willingness to take responsibility for his or her beliefs and feelings. This acceptance or refection of responsibility says a great deal about the speaker, and it can shape the tone of their relationship.


None-verbal communication is a very important part to keep a conversation works. Non-verbal communication is occurring throughout time form a beginning of a meeting of the dyad to an end when one of them left.

The dyad used their body movement to keep the conversation continuous, and to modify what they were saying. By choosing approximate distances to stand or sit. The speaker always paid attention on his conduct, or the spontaneously act to attract the partner to participate his interest.

The similar behavior between the two characters that they both lean forward a little whenever one of them is a listener, especially when discussed topic is interesting to both. And I realize that maintaining eye contact is the most important non-verbal behavior for the listener. One might change the topic when his friend did not look at him long enough that made him believed his friend was not interested in the topic.

Open posture is a common behavior not only appearing in behavior the dyad. The dyad express equality and respect to each other by showing their open manner when talking or listening. Non-verbal communication is communication without words but it reveals information. Non-verbal messages and verbal messages are both indispensable it is hard to imagine how the dyad could function without either one. Much of the value of non-verbal and verbal messages of communicating comes from their differences.

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